For Further Information Call:
215-766-0604
Be sure to visit Marianne's Blog at http://howcanireachyou.blobspot.com | ONGOING SERVICES AT THE CENTER FOR PERSONAL REFLECTION | PSYCHOTHERAPY IMAGO COUPLES THERAPY HYPNOSIS FOR LIFESTYLE CHANGES SPIRITUAL DIRECTION BACH FLOWER REMEDIES
|
| CENTER FOR PERSONAL REFLECTION |
| | August, 2008 | Vol. 2, Issue 5 |
| | | Greetings! | Before I get into the newsletter's subject  I'd like to start out by saying "Where did the Summer go" but I know full well where it went. And while it is all behind me now, I am left with the fond, lovely memories of family and friends and the enjoyment of all that Bucks County has to offer. I hope your Summer was enjoyable, but hey, if not, then you always have Fall, Winter, and Spring to look forward to. There is something magical about all the seasons. The magic in all seasons of life is something we create or destroy with the beliefs we entertain. Since we aren't born with beliefs the only explanation for them is that they were given to us....early on, when we were forming our world view during childhood. It seems that we are born with a bucket, like a sand pail that children play with at the beach. Before we are 7 many, many people have put their sand in our bucket. It is the task of adulthood to empty out that sand (which isn't of our choosing) and refill our bucket with our own select sand. Now doesn't that simplify things? So this month the newsletter is about beliefs, and consequences that often result in suffering. I think I can get all that in. Read on. |
Anger The experience of angry feelings and choices that come from anger can be so powerfully destructive and have brought more pain to the people of Earth that it warrants a large measure of attention here. Anger is so often managed in unhealthy ways because culturally and socially we are conditioned to judge it as unacceptable. Suppressing it, that stuffing it into our bellies or behind our hearts is a major cause of physical illness. Blowing it out is usually met with the kind of reactivity that supports the notion that anger is unacceptable. But it is the passion around negative emotions that is the impetus for change. Anger that is not dealt with manifests itself in depression, loneliness, isolation and physical illness. By understanding the anatomy of anger and the place spirituality has in its healing, one can transform anger into a deep self-love that carries over to human-kind. Some unhealthy behaviors as a result of anger are: Self-blaming Withdrawing Exploding Sarcasm Blaming other Violence Some positive thoughts about anger: Dealing with anger avoids depression, loneliness, isolation and irritability. Seeing anger as positive allows it to be a life force for change. Anger once realized prompts us to just action. Action without justice is revenge. Ways of dealing with anger:
Expressing anger to the offender can bring about reconciliation when done without criticism and blame.
Doing something physical like walking, washing the car, or any exercise discharges the adrenaline that anger can produce.
Doing relaxation and breathing exercises changes the neurological activity in the brain.
Give anger a lot of room and stay with it without action. Sometimes it is a matter of time to dissipate the anger and to be able to forgive.
_____________________________________________
Ask yourself these questions.
What is really wrong here? What does it stir in me? What needs to be done? What behaviors, right now, reflect my anger: Over eating, addiction, withdrawing, sleeping? How does the anger I feel cause me to sabotage myself? Are there some internal actions I can take to deal with the anger? Do I bring my anger and behaviors to prayer?
|
|  | | | Injustice |  When we choose selectively, the facts that fit the paradigm of society and culture discarding all that doesn't fit, we then make a judgment call based on what is left before us, perhaps a miscall leading to suffering. The notion that we have rights and that those rights entitle us to certain behaviors in protecting them, leads to war. War leads to more war. Always has. Rather than thinking in terms of having rights, citizens of all societies can think rather in terms of responsibility and cooperation. The four virtues of Plato are Wisdom, Courage, Moderation and Justice. The Sioux Indian people describe the importance of generosity and bravery. I think respect and dignity are also important virtues. Many Indian tribes felt that responsibility toward their family members and others in their tribe as well as extending that to strangers and non-tribe members was essential for peace. The members of a tribe were assigned responsibilities that they carried out with the "greater good" in mind. The task in an evolving society is to learn that we must first of all know what our responsibility is and do it regardless of anything else. And our responsibility is TO DO NO HARM. But justice is not as simple as discerning the "greater good" or "do no harm." Justice is usually based on moral rightness, fairness, proper order, truth, etc. There is a lot of wiggle room here in determining rightness, fairness, "proper" order and above all truth....whose truth? What is the Source of justice? Is it from a place of Peace? God? Nature? or our own Institutions? If it were Peace that would be seen where warring factions of a person or a place come to a common ground. I guess it would be cooperation and negotiation. If it were God then it would be reliable and good because God is reliable and good. Of course might not know God's desires if we fell over them. If it were Nature than the justice would be equitable because it would have to fit into the definition of Universal Law. And finally, if it were institutional it would be of human making and we have all seen that human law is not always just although we humans mean well. There's something called inequality aversion which is a way of saying that people need to be treated fairly. Fairness is a primal need, even animals express that need. When there is unfairness and injustice, people (and animals) suffer terribly, deeply. So while I don't have an answer to the question of justice for all, I know that a lot of suffering can be avoided if our actions are based on integrity and our intentions are to do no harm. |
| Injustice/Anger/Pain/Suffering (all rolled into one) | | Here's my dissection of suffering. First we are angry at something that happened, something outside our self....unfairness, malevolence and mean-spiritedness. The next layer of anger is that which we feel in ourselves around the part of us that is revealed by the event and the disdain we feel about that part....usually impotence and perceived loss of control. Finally we are angry at God. After all, if we hat the part of us that is stirred up by the event than how can God or anyone love us? It is a very lonely feeling, this anger. If our Source, Creator, Higher Power....our God allows this, doesn't intervene, what worth are we? This is the call to self-love and freedom from suffering. It is at this point in the realization of anger that compassion and forgiveness heals the wounded heart. It finally occurs to us that God so needs us, so believes in us, that God does not interfere with free will and stands with us in faith that we will move through and past the pain to resolution and change. The journey is difficult. We have no training, no modeling that helps us transcend the aggression and self-hatred of anger, (by the way, a natural emotion.) The problem doesn't lie with the emotion of anger, but moreover with the internalization of the anger and the choices that come from it. Pain is endemic to living on Planet Earth, but what we do with the pain, how we internalize it, causes suffering. Jesus joins us in our suffering. He knows bone-wracking tiredness, mental and emotional anguish, humiliation, abandonment and excruciating pain and while God won't get in the way of our choices and other's choices laid upon us, God is there with us just as God was with Jesus. The ultimate anger for Jesus was the one directed at God. Eventually it all boils down to that; we are disappointed and angry with God. He gets angry for a moment there while hanging on the crucifix. He says, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani? "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" You've got to know he's angry now because just before while in the Garden of Gethsemane he calls God "Abba" meaning "Daddy." Now its My God!!! He just can't believe this is the way it's supposed to be. Then he is reminded that his god had not abandoned him and that he was loved even in his wretched state and with that knowing he goes to compassion, for himself and the others, all the others and from that place of forgiveness in his human-ness he displays trust in God. He says, Father, in your hands I place my spirit." The forgiveness came with complete Fidelity to his God, complete fidelity. Faith is the deepest expression of love. He gives up any notion that he has, or even wants to have, control of the situation. So every time we say, "why me?" or "This is unfair!" or express hatred and bias we simply suffer. When facing pain or injustice it relieves the suffering if we can do as Jesus taught us and rather say, "God, in your hands I place my pain or my anger or my suffering." In that way we can give up power and control (the illusion that we even HAD power and control and then lost it is part of the anger thing) and look to God for guidance. |
| Perhaps there is only this one way to deal with suffering. Here it is. Look for guidance in knowing what your responsibility is and DO RIGHT ACTION. DO NO HARM. If everybody did that, there'd be no suffering. No, I didn't say there wouldn't be pain....there always will be pain because of the human condition (and gravity), but pain is eased with love and averts suffering. Again, know your responsibility and do right action. Secondly, DO NO HARM. Now if only I can live by that. Phew, I'll give it all I've got. But hey, when I go astray I have lots of earthly and divine reminders to put me back on track. The journey out of suffering can be agonizing for those with depression, anxiety disorders and all mental illnesses. It can seem that there is no way out of the darkness. Right action and doing no harm is not a choice....in fact, choice is not an option. In my next newsletter I will address the struggle of mental illness and suffering. Sincerely, Marianne Harms, LCSW |
I want to announce that the website of Eric Farland has been added to my quick links. Eric is doing some amazing wood crafting that truly comes from his hart....that's right, heart spelled hart!!! Yeah, there's a story there but he'd have to tell it. Anyhow, take a moment to look at his site and think about ordering for Christmas or Hanukkah or any other holiday/birthday/act of kindness gift. I think Eric Farland is talented despite the fact that I'm his mother....I think you'll find him talented as well. |
|
|
|
